Lesson #1: I can't read movie schedules.

I thought that Romeo Must Die was playing at the Paramount last night. It wasn't, but we'll get to that.

It all started innocently enough. We wanted to have some food with friends and see a fun movie. We had a nice dinner on College and headed to the theatre. We had some time before the movie so we headed over to Sugar Mountain.

Lesson #2: Even after 20-someodd years, eating bags of sugar does bad things to your body.

So keep in mind that from this point on we were constantly popping Reeses Pieces and Jelly Bellys and such.

We were prepared. We had food in us (some with more alcohol than others), and candy. We were ready to see Jet Li kick some ass. But what's this? It isn't playing at 7:45 as we thought. No, its playing at 9:30.

Lesson #3: Buy tickets ahead of time

Ok, so we have a good hour to kill. The Boys decided to go to the Playdium and play video games for an hour. Tyla preferred to hang out in Chapters for a while and then retire.

Lesson #4: Quit while you're ahead. Do like Tyla. Tyla smart.

We had fun at the Playdium, though its no Metreon. blizzard got to use skid marks on a raceway to spell his initials, I showed some Storm Troopers where they could put thir silly cod pieces, and shaver polished his sniping skills. Oh, and it was loud in there. We all came out with headaches. Remember the candy? So we're now on various levels of sugar highs, with headaches, off to see Jet Li kick some ass.

But what's this? The automated teller won't sell us tickets for the 9:30 showing? Maybe its too new, or unrated, or something. No. The counter informs us that the showing is in fact invite-only. Awesome. So we've now spent a good 2 hours of our lives waiting for a movie that we aren't going to see. But we didn't let these 14 or 15 things going wrong deter us, heavens no!

We bought three tickets to see Mission to Mars. Yes, thats right, the movie that everyone we've ever talked to said was awful. We got into the theatre 15 minutes before the show and it was empty. We had our own private screening!

Now, if you've been to the large Famous Players theatres you know that funny things are about to happen. Before each showing they have an employee (Player?) stand before the audience and give a little speech. So some poor schmuck had to give the speech to just the three of us.

Brad: Hi, I'm Brad, and welcome to famous players.
blizzard: There's only three of us, you really don't need to bother.
zab: Pull up a chair!
...
Brad: You know I once did this speach to a single person.
shaver: For what movie?
Brad: Reindeer Games.
Trio: [much laughter]
...
Brad: Ok guys, I have to give the speach now. ...... if you have any questions or comments that aren't retarded .....
Trio: [chortle]
Brad: .... please turn them off your cell phones and pagers so as not to disturb your two buddies there....
Trio: [guffaw]

At this point two more people came into the theatre!

NewPerson: How come no one else is here?
shaver: I think we're about to find out.

And you know what? The movie wasn't really all that horrible. It had its cheesy spots, but plenty of nice ones as well. Trying to fall asleep while coming down from a sugar high was much worse.