today i told the appropriate people i wouldn't be returning to work with them when my leave of absence was over at the end of january. i feel guilty: they were good to me in granting the leave of absence in the first place, so that i could care for my grandfather. my manager in particular went to bat for me, and today i told him i'm leaving. he has an amazingly level head - in the same situation i suspect i would have been much less polite. especially since after all his effort on my behalf, i told him i was going to focus on getting my ideas together and starting my own company. hence the source of my guilt. i would like to make it up to him somehow, but i don't know how. i recommended someone for my now vacant position.
this weekend i learned that i am a 5th generation american. this was news to me - i was under the impression that my grandparents were both born in europe, and moved here shortly after that. but now i learn that *their* grandparents were born in the united states. it's amazing what i thought i knew about my family. when he was better able to talk, grampa told me a lot of new things - and this most recent info comes from my mother. i guess i just never had that conversation with her before. my ignorance on these matters is something of a surprise to me.
some slow progress on [idea]. unfortunately, the whitepaper really requires that some things about the xml structures and semantics of the system be determined - so the various efforts are operating in parallel, one slowing as another one takes temporary precedence. my current partner in this stage is doing interviews - which means that if he gets a job it'll be me working on this alone again. which is good and bad. he is valuable to have because of his contacts (which i'll still have access to), and because he's a grayhair ;) i.e., he's older and has a good deal more experience than i do. but, the fewer people involved at this stage, the bigger chunk for each of them. right now it looks like that may just be me.
no programming for a while now - i need to focus all of my effort on [idea], and that means a lot of writing but not code. that's okay, one way or another i'll get back to it. but damn, i want to code - i miss it. two or three days at the keyboard building something would feel reaaaaally good.