house hunting, just as fruitful as job hunting, and in the same strange way: on the 1st day, we found the winner. amazing. if it all works out that is . . . right now signs point to yes, but anything's possible. that means we will need to move probably next week. next week! shit.
it's really strange, as if santa barbara is opening its arms and welcoming us back. definitely not how i felt when we left. but it's the only place that feels anything like "home" (whatever the hell that is supposed to be) in something like 14 years.
grampa died this morning. i got the call at about 6:30 am - we were still in santa barbara. we had several appointments, but blew them off and by 1 pm we were back up in the valley. i don't have words to describe the emptiness. i've spent the last 5 months of my life basically devoted to his comfort, and to help him and the rest of the family face his impending death. i understand, on an intellectual but not emotional level, the event that has taken place. actually i understand it for about 5 minutes at a time, and then i feel numb for a while.