Older blog entries for rjp (starting at number 32)

great trip - good weather, good company, good good good.

we may move back to santa barbara - the job market down there is doable, things are very much under control with my family here, it's close enough that i can be here even every weekend if i wish . . . we are considering it. it would be great to be back there - i had almost forgotten how beautiful it is ;)

funny, just when i start thinking about moving, the job situation here starts to heat up. irony sucks.

fatmouse rocks your world.

well, another night at grampa's. a while ago, i discussed with lori the insights i've had about parent-child (and grandchild) relationships, roles, and interaction . . . i've learned so much over the last few months. it's obvious, yet like so many things fundamental to who we are, we don't see it without something to make us step aside and look with different eyes. objectivity - why isn't it more natural?

off to san diego on [day], stopovers in santa barbara on the way down and on the way back up to visit with rp and {w,j}s. visit with gpp for a few days in san diego, get in the ocean (the ocean! it's been too long), have some sushi, catch up. either in sd or sb or both, skate. my knee is feeling good enough to skate again, i just have to build up my leg again after favoring it for nearly a year. i found a group that skates a ~7 mile course in downtown san jose thursday nights, and i want to see if my knee is up to it. woohoo! i miss skating so much.

code is the order of the day tomorrow! yay!

well. verisign just announced what is basically the idea i have been working on for a while now.

bummer. while verisign's offering does not encompass everything i've been thinking and writing about, there is so much overlap that it's pointless to continue (actually there is one thing that's very distinct, which i'll still file a patent on).

so then: let the job search begin. btw, anyone reading this that is looking to hire some enterprise java (not ejb! for so many reasons) folks in the south bay, check out my resume. please.

grampa hangs on - and more or less, he is himself, although his state of mind reminds me of a story i read once; i'm sure it's familiar, maybe harlan ellison or something - anyway, the protagonist loses his memory each morning, and has to start over (a movie, maybe?). that's what it's like for grampa, but it's sometimes minute by minute that he forgets instead of overnight. physically, he's barely able to feed himself, let alone clean himself or stand up and walk. but, and this is the most important thing, he is comfortable, and he expresses that he is happy that we are around so much ("we" is mainly my mother and myself). several cardiologists told us he would be dead within 3 weeks; we're going on 5 months now. this is a long road that has left me an emotional cripple in some ways.

code? what freaking code? i've let dcserver just sit idle, and while i've been boning up on tech stuff to be ready for interviews, i haven't done anything real in more than a month. time to get back to it. i started implementing (*again*) my multicast-and-rmi failover algorithm, after some design changes this time; constraints are weakened a bit, which i think is fine considering the domain. so, i'll finish my failover thing, add client connection stuff to it (right now it's just the hot and warm servers talking to each other), maybe add a new sourceforge project for it, and then get back on making dcserver an osgi-compliant service platform.

opensourcesjapseye is obviously jeffk

changes . . .

the p2p chapter is almost done - pretty easy really, i didn't even need to do that much research; it all just kind of spewed straight out of my head. easy money. i think i'm a good writer, i've always wanted to write a book really - now i'm thinking that i should go ahead with it. i have a good topic in mind, and it'll make me do some coding for the examples as well ;) always a bonus. working on [idea] has been put aside until friday, which actually is good - a few days away from it has given me some objectivity, and i know what's wrong with the writeup. it's going to be good, and i'm very positive about getting cash to start it.

damn, i want "vi mode" in this little html text box.

p.f., my old manager from [bigtech], introduced me to a guy that just retired from [bigtech] and now wants to do something on his own. he has an idea for a web-based business, and wants my advice on the feasibility. if it sounds interesting, he wants me to do the prototype on contract, which i think i'll be happy to do, although i'm not sure how much he can pay me right off - which is the problem; i really can't do it if i'm not going to get a paycheck. hopefully he's got some cash reserves to tempt me with.

grampa is - the same really. living is a strong habit.

m.a. is doing a few chapters for a p2p book coming out (p2p should be pronounced "pap" - or maybe "hype"). i agreed to help him out by doing the chapter comparing and contrasting (mainly) distributed object protocols with p2p protocols . . . what the hell, it'll get me a nice resume bullet, a few bucks, and i don't mind helping out. god knows he's helped me enough over the last couple of years.

i am seriously considering the possibility of returing to [big, conventional, old-is-new-again technology company]. it's a safe place to hide out for a year or two or three, maybe recharge a bit, live a pseudo-normal life for a bit, then look for something fun (read: risky) to do again. or maybe [other big silicon valley tech company] or [slightly less big silicon valley tech company], since i've done [big #1] already.

some small amount of progress on [mhm/idea]. i really need to crack down and write - i don't know what's holding me back, i have some kind of block or something. anyway, all i want to do is play writing shell scripts or do some coding on dcserver (still got to do that dynamic service loading thing, and i haven't worked on the CA at all except for some design).

regardless of how much i write or code, i must not commit to doing anything until grampa finds his peace and lets go. until then the wall stands before me.

... writing ... writing ... writing ...

shit, this is boring.

i helped dad poke around his web site - at the shell prompt level. he'd be considered a power user on windows, but on a *nix system he's helpless, as many of us once were. something as simple as ssh'ing in and checking out his access log is beyond him at this point. his site is built in php w/mysql backend - no problem, i'm not a php programmer but what's to learn? php seems fairly simple and mostly self-explanatory. i can help him out and answer his questions (how are accounts really stored, is it possible to do this or that, is the system itself maintainable and extendable, how secure are things) . . . i've been telling him for more than 2 years that he needs to learn sql and basic shell use and scripting. for him, that's too low-level and hands-on to want to do - almost beneath him. it reminds me of the several times he asked me to drop out of school to do all the technical dirty work for whatever his current get-rich-quick internet scheme was. ;) he's fun.

moved to a "wake excessively early work till noon chill out work a bit at night" schedule. it's been more effective so far than what i was doing before. it feels so much like studying for finals - i have to really crack down and do it or i'll find any excuse to procrastinate. like what i'm doing right now - keeping up my log is taking time away from [idea], which i'd really like to see come to fruition and provide . . . anyway. the solution is to work in a non-connected environment. if i have access to the internet, i'm screwed.

4 Jan 2002 (updated 4 Jan 2002 at 21:06 UTC) »

today i told the appropriate people i wouldn't be returning to work with them when my leave of absence was over at the end of january. i feel guilty: they were good to me in granting the leave of absence in the first place, so that i could care for my grandfather. my manager in particular went to bat for me, and today i told him i'm leaving. he has an amazingly level head - in the same situation i suspect i would have been much less polite. especially since after all his effort on my behalf, i told him i was going to focus on getting my ideas together and starting my own company. hence the source of my guilt. i would like to make it up to him somehow, but i don't know how. i recommended someone for my now vacant position.

this weekend i learned that i am a 5th generation american. this was news to me - i was under the impression that my grandparents were both born in europe, and moved here shortly after that. but now i learn that *their* grandparents were born in the united states. it's amazing what i thought i knew about my family. when he was better able to talk, grampa told me a lot of new things - and this most recent info comes from my mother. i guess i just never had that conversation with her before. my ignorance on these matters is something of a surprise to me.

some slow progress on [idea]. unfortunately, the whitepaper really requires that some things about the xml structures and semantics of the system be determined - so the various efforts are operating in parallel, one slowing as another one takes temporary precedence. my current partner in this stage is doing interviews - which means that if he gets a job it'll be me working on this alone again. which is good and bad. he is valuable to have because of his contacts (which i'll still have access to), and because he's a grayhair ;) i.e., he's older and has a good deal more experience than i do. but, the fewer people involved at this stage, the bigger chunk for each of them. right now it looks like that may just be me.

no programming for a while now - i need to focus all of my effort on [idea], and that means a lot of writing but not code. that's okay, one way or another i'll get back to it. but damn, i want to code - i miss it. two or three days at the keyboard building something would feel reaaaaally good.

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