Propranolol starting to poop out. Bother. Bother bother bother.

I've been quite stable and productive on modafinil+propranolol+zopiclone. It was nice not to have to worry about my health for a while. Oh well.

I am hoping to switch to clonidine. Just have to find a friendly doctor (one who can accept the dog role when appropriate, is it too much to ask?). I hate this bit.

Been thinking about psychosis.

The obvious model is something wrong with some of the neurons in the brain. ie they don't update their synaptic weightings apropriately given environmental stimuli.

By this model, if it applied to every neuron the person would just keel over and twitch. They'd de-tune really quickly. Probably stop breathing.

It's more plausible if it only applies to some neurons. But still, an error in updating rules means some part of the brain just plain fails.

Alternate model: psychosis is a rational reaction to a stimulus that is external to the brain (or at least external to its higher functions). Akathisia, for instance, is a feeling of inner restlessness. Everything has a pressing urgency, every sensation demands attention, the body demands ACTION! In other words, the brain is being rushed, the body is saying: take long shots, we need a solution to the problem NOW.

It's not irrational, when time is pressing and some terrible doom is iminent, to jump to conclusions and take wild leaps of faith. It may be one's only chance of survival. Mightn't these leaps look like psychosis? Theories that intigrate all the pressing details: the car that seems to be following you (even though it's just by chance), the person on TV talking about something surprisingly relevant, the person you don't know but keep seeing in odd places. And so on. A theory integrating these things, with a view to identifying the source of a sense of pressing danger, would look exactly like classic psychosis.

Rational psychosis :-)

Point being: higher brain functions in schizophrenia etc may be working just fine. The real problem may be in the body, or some simple regulatory gland stuff. Also: if psychotics are rational, they may be reasoned with. It might be worth giving them a little respect. Their rational mind may be capable of understanding and reinterpreting their gut feelings.

In other news: I am thinking of auditioning for Australian Idol. Maybe I can be the Australian One :-). (and anyway, what's to lose beside a little ritual humiliation?)