Older blog entries for nullity (starting at number 17)

Ok... This is a major depressive time. Its probably compounded by being on such a high throughout the week, combined with stress combined with lack of sleep. But I'm also under a good amount of social pressure. On the one hand I have Sandra who's been very frustrating to deal with because I felt like I was just starting to connect with her when she left. What a change from the "I can never be close to you" a few weeks before! I feel like we've both grown in some ways, but more importantly we finally got things out on the table. That sounds good, no? But the thing is that now she's away over the summer...and most of what I see of her every day is a message that she was on ICQ for like 3 minutes! I feel like if things die now they'll be dead because we are going to be living in very different housing next year. :-( Why do I always feel safest with the people who end up causing me the most pain?<sigh&rt;
 
This is compounded by my working at Eazel...which started out as a really good thing. And I realize that maybe I've been a snot or something (and I know I'm sometimes annoying)...but I feel like I'm really unwanted by Arlo, Andy, and some other people. I mean, I realize that there's such a huge split in experience etc...but ... I don't know. It feels like I'm the only person who's getting this. Fine so I'm the lowly intern...but it doesn't hurt to treat me like a person with feelings. And maybe they are joking...sometimes it seems Arlo is (sometimes he says he is) but I still have this general impression conveyed. Its like a feel like I'm the only person who doesn't have a a niche, and therefore people just wish I'd shrivel up and go away. But the thing is that I'm working hard and fixing lots of bugs. Good grief... I've probably worked more hours this week than almost anyone (an entire all-nighter...10+hr days other than that). And I've fixed a bunch of stuff. At least Darin, who was the hardest to deal with at first, is somebody I now feel comfortable with after meeting him (its amazing how important that can be sometimes).
 
sniffle, boohoo for me. OK. I'm done being a whiner.

I'm now stuck at Eazel because its 3am and my bike doesn't have lights And anyway I'm too lazy to ride 7mi when I'm this tired. The logistical issues is that Maciej has the couch. Maybe if I pull a fire alarm or something he'll wake up and move and I can steal it? That sounds like a good plan to me except that I'm guessing he wouldn't wake up.
 
Doing a search for fast food places in the area that might be open... I actually like McDonald's for breakfast...but none nearby as far as I can tell
 
Got a lot of hacking done today. Fixed an evil strange bug with something of a kluge. I'm contemplating moving the gimp gradient code into nautilus. Oh well... I have a new bug telling me to fix it right. (written by meself off carse!) I still want the couch. Grr. Guess I'll take the floor. Also on the list today is to finalize (?) the link APIs for gnome-vfs and go implement them. The good news is that I'm getting bike lights soon and panniers so all this will be null and void. Whooohooo!
 
Update 7am: I decided to just spend the night working (slowly of course...I'm putting in looooads of extra hours here ;-) YAWN. But there's coffee brewing...I'm normally not a coffee drinker...but put a little chocolate in it and presto the stuff is pretty good.

Routine? Nah...
 
Well I sort of thought my life would settle into the groove with rapidity as I aclimated to working again - last summer it only took about half a week and that was the first time I'd had a "real job". In any case Eazel is still interesting and stimulating for me - which I think is good. Things are just varied enough (and sufficiently ill-defined, hehe) that, well...life is just interesting.
 
Darin, who was the treat of the day having flown in for the first time in a month and a half because he just had to meet me (sure.... ;-) and I struggled for a little while with 16-bit gradients. What is happening is that, first of all, G is 6-bits while R & B are 5-bits. This creates some funny little green shifts in the gradient (similar to funny little green men - but of a far more insidious nature). Anyway, that was dealt with and we figured out that it may be optimal to enable dithering in gnome canvas. Quite frankly, I'm not sure why its disabled by default?!? So I'll be putting together a patch that adds that option....wheee....
 
Pavel still has designs on me for building on Solaris and then getting purify going. It would *suck* if Nautilus had bad memory leaks at shipping time (I'm sure it does now...). I hope all the libraries are more 64-bit / Big ENdian clean than when I last tried ;-)
 
It was freaking hot today!!! I had to ride my bike 7 mi. each way to Eazel while the temp was, seriously - no exaggeration - 113 deg F. YOW! You can tell its hot when the more windy it is the more oppressive the heat feels - eg the wind itself is miserably hot and all you'd like is a nice cool vacuum =) Me thinks it be better when the outside temperature is cooler than your insides! Oh well...also our new apartment (who's wonders I will describe at length ... some other time) traps heat pretty badly. I'm planning to invest in a fan so I can stay alive during these bright and sunny times (dark and depressed rocks!).
 
More poetry writing ... but this stuff was for me only. NO MORE FOR YOU!!!

The new bike rides really well - but I got stuck on San Antonio today with freeway bound traffic behind me. I notice that people seem to drive more aggressively when the are bound for the freeway. "we" went over a bridge and cars were *still* trying to pass me even though I estimate I was only going 5-10 mph slower than traffic's "natural" over a very short stretch. I was very scared for my life!!! The moral of the story is that I shouldn't miss my "bike route" turn-off next time!
 
I wasn't able to check code in last night...we'll see if that's working this morning :) update...success. blast CVS!
 
Fixed some problems with autocompletion I introduced yesterday (:-() But on the good side I think I'm nailing down a problem nautilus has with drawing gradients without bars.
 
Problem found...and it looks like its moire patterns generated at 16-bit colour depths. Also played with marbled backgrounds a bit...wheee!

My first day at Eazel!
 
I spent most of the day getting oriented...getting my machine running (which will have to be replaced when the new machines come - but oh well)...and spent the remainder of the evening adding path support to nautilus (so the file:// gets hidden and/or ignored). This may seem dumb...but I'm *really* glad to have a 19" monitor here. Its easier on my eyes and makes coding oh so much more pleasant.
 
Brian (my future roommate) was kind enough to repair my bike tire. I apparently spaz out when things go wrong when I'm coding. I've never noticed this before because I always code at home.... EEP! Will have to watch the gremlin noises.

Advogato needs a way of specifying that the entry you are writing refers to the previous day... I write most of mine at 1am

Well...Joy of all joys my new bike already has a flat tire =) Which means that yet again I got to bum a ride to Eazel. Hopefully this tire puncture thing does not become a habit - it makes it very hard to trust biking. Last summer I had *one* puncture the entire summer yet during this year I've had probably 5 or 6. And I've been riding a lot less too....weird huh? Anyway, I'll probably buy some panniers for it when I get my first paycheck and then I'll be all set =) Actually I need to get a better lock too, but that can wait as its a house bike for now!
 
Bike clothes suck! I won't be caught dead in them until I'm at least 30 and have lost all compunction.
 
I finally found my passport which I have to bring into Eazel to prove that I'm una persona de los estados unidos. Ah well. That would have been a bad thing to misplace anyway. It turns out that I put it in such a secure place that I had trouble finding it (it was stuffed in an old sock in the back of my drawer!). Next time I need to make a mental note when I stash things...
 
Well...I have to be awake at the inhumane hour of 9am...so...
 
NO MORE FOR YOU!

I bought my bike today.

Its a really comfortable ride. The cool thing is that unlike my last bike which was a little noisy, with this one (riding on a smooth road) there's no sound but the rushing wind.... wheeee!
 
I took a 25 mi. ride after lunch, which was a fun way to try it out and make sure that the bike shop didn't have any more tuning to do. There was one slight misalignment w/ the front derailer, but I was able to easily fix it myself. I'm a little nervous about the flight deck shifting on this bike - it looks like I would have trouble repairing it myself....hmm... Well the good thing is that my favorite bike was purchased from our on campus bike shop - which means easy complaint and service :)

This poem of mine sort of summarizes what I've been going through emotionally recently. Wheee....enjoy my depression!


.
.
.
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Crimson slain,
Punctuated though He lies;
cries His valour - of struggle and strife
And vibrant life in its primal rile

Or She may lick her paws -
staring solemnly surreal,
At the hollow madding that around her sweeps
Yet cannot leave Her body behind
And She blinks bemusedly from Her bright green soul
Or casts a deep, pure sigh

But withered to ashen age
Beneath the starched white sheets
We acquiess to a perfunctory distrophy
And are worn into a dreamless discontent

Then perish alone in a body of stolen animation
Fading a shade with every shallow glib
and hubric smile.

The travesty of our ashen eyes
were not their fallen hue
but that they would be windows to our soul.
.
.
.
.

Its summer...Time for work and play.

Its been a long time since a wrote an entry because I've been insanely busy. Exams, people, and Eazel have all taken their toll... But the good news is that everything has come together. I have a job - an internship at Eazel working under Pavel's mentorship. This is *awesome* because I really like Pavel and respect his mad skills :) So not only am I going to be able to eat and have shelter this summer, I think I'm really going to improve my own thinking and code writing.

I treated myself to "Rick's Really Rich Icecream" as a reward for getting work. That stuff is *awesome*. If you are in the Santa Clara area you just have to try it. And its right near Eazel...so...I figure I can bike there for lunch every day ;)

As far as housing I'm going to be living in Mirielees (sp?). Which is often because that particular summer residence is the more desired of the three or four available. Its also cool because I don't have to buy an expensive meal plan there, but can cook for myself. Of course the downside is that with on-campus housing you have to pay the entire cost up front. Yikes! This has meant depending on my grandparents for money (who are thankfully there or I would have lots of trouble "swinging it"). Oh well...guess I don't "get" to be 100% financially independent yet :-) I can think of much worse things in life ;-)

I'm also finally getting a bike. Cool beans. Of course I have to acquire one for monday, which is my first day of work. I figure that if I can't get one by monday I can probably beg a ride off *somebody*. Not many people left, but enough, heh heh.

I wrote some more escape related code for Nautilus, as well as some more work getting Nautilus running under Solaris. I can't figure out what's going wrong, but the Solaris attempt is not going very well... <sigh> I'll probably try again using Helix Gnome as a base-line (I was trying to do everything from scratch). I've also "white-boarded" some ideas for an improved URI entry box in Nautilus. I think the current one doesn't cut it.

I'm tired. And I have an exam today. On saturday... That's inhumane.

School is almost out, and it looks like I might be working at Eazel over the summer. That would be awesome. But I'm too tired to get really excited right now.

In other major news, I did laundry today. I was starting to wear my "dress" clothes as my supply of shorts dwindled. You know I'm desperate when the polos are broken out! Fortunately we all know that jeans can be worn at least 3 times before you have to change :) So if you just sleep in them most of the time that adds up to a couple weeks for a single pair of jeans!!! Right.

I think I'll get 10 hours of sleep tonight to celebrate doing poorly on my complexity theory exam. Whoohoo!