Older blog entries for marnanel (starting at number 997)

Spam

Somehow this slipped through my spam filter. Possibly spamassassin decided it was stream-of-consciousness poetry?

Subject: Do you need a big ass Russian madam who are ready to talk on erotic themes?

You need Ukrainian with beautiful eyes that Madame is ready to talk about sex?They will tell you about their personal sexual experience, you might be interested!} They're so chic that you want to share your phone, and believe me, they will not mind =)

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/270758.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-03-02 13:21:52 from Monument

Florida Man

Florida Man, Florida Man,
running around without any plan,
scruffy old jeans and permanent tan,
Florida Man.
He can appear at the flick of a wrist,
when he gets pissed, someone gets missed,
you'll hear it all from a journalist,
average man,
Florida Man.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/270121.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-02-23 19:16:51 from Monument

Ducks

Scene: A shop in Woking, today.

Assistant: That'll be £5, please.
Me: I was wondering. You know you have some rubber ducks for sale?
Assistant: Yes?
Me: Well, I was wondering... why are rubber ducks always yellow? I mean, have you ever seen a yellow duck? Ducks are brown, or there are the ones with green heads, but I've never met a yellow one.
Assistant: Hm. I've seen yellow ducks on the Thames.
Me: Really? Kit, could we go and look at the Thames this afternoon?
Kit: Maybe!
Assistant: Yes-- fluffy yellow ones. You know, the ducklings.
Me: Wait! You're right! Baby ducks are yellow! I was thinking of the adults. So rubber ducks are supposed to be ducklings, even the big ones?
Assistant: I think so, yes.
Me: Thank you! You've solved a mystery for me. What a helpful person!

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/268821.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-02-16 20:15:09 from Monument

Jesse Boot

You know, I was thinking about Nottingham. And who are the two most famous sons of Nottingham? Robin Hood, and... Jesse Boot.

Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! Riding through the hills!
Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! Mixing stomach pills!
Take one a day! Safe to dilute!
Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot!

Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! For your upset tum!
Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! Here's magnesium!
Tastes like a chalk? Flavour with fruit!
Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot!

Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! In an hour or less!
Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! Makes an awful mess!
Wears his white coat over his suit!
Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot! Jesse Boot!

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/268788.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-02-16 10:56:19 (Updated 2013-02-16 11:00:54) from Monument

letter to MP

Dear Philip Hammond,

I am writing to ask you to support the forthcoming bill for same-sex marriage, both as your constituent to ask for your vote in the Commons, and to show that not all Christians oppose equal marriage.

Some people have been encouraging me to write and ask you to vote against this bill. But I believe this is a matter of simple justice-- fair treatment for a large group of people who are spread throughout our society. Marriage is important, yes: it is so important that allowing it to some and not others is unfair.

I remain, etc.

Thomas Thurman
Chertsey

Edits: You can write to your MP here. You might also be interested in [personal profile] cjwatson's letter to his MP.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/266904.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-02-05 06:30:31 (Updated 2013-02-05 06:40:03) from Monument

Plover: When I was one and twenty

My Plover exercise for today was the first stanza of A E Houseman's poem "When I was one and twenty".

 
When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
"Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free."
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

The non-obvious words are:
  • crowns KROUPBS (actually, this is fairly straightforward)
  • pounds POUPBDZ (why DZ? I suppose DS is harder to chord)
  • guineas - Plover doesn't know the word "guinea". I could have typed it out manually, but I approximated it using the name of the country Guinea and making it plural: TKPWEU/TPHAOE/-S. What I think is interesting about this is that TKPWEU alone is "I go".
  • pearls PERLS (not much surprise there)
  • rubies - this is a tricky one. RAOU/PWEU/-S. And RAOU alone is "rue" like the herb.
  • fancy TPAPB/SEU
and some where I got stuck on the vowels particularly:
  • away A/WAEU
  • keep KAOEP
  • free TPRAOE
  • use AOUS (or AOUZ)
  • talk TAUBG
I am beginning to feel I'm making progress at last! This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/266324.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-02-01 11:45:37 (Updated 2013-02-01 11:46:52) from Monument

Judgmental Cambridge map

Suggestions welcome.



This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/266074.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-02-01 05:44:24 from Monument

Enormous palindrome

I mentioned this to Kit earlier. Note that "XI" is a standard abbreviation for a cricket team (hence "over").

HEADMASTER'S PALINDROMIC LIST ON HIS MEMO PAD
(by Joyce Johnson, 1967)

Test on Erasmus
Deliver slap
Royal: phone no.?
Ref. Football
Is sofa sitable on?
XI staff over
Sub-edit Nurse's order
Caning is on test (snub slip-up)
Birch (Sid) to help Miss Eve
Repaper den
Use it
Put inkspot on stopper
Prof. -- no space
Caretaker (wall, etc.)
Too many d*** pots
Wal for duo? (I'd name Dr O)
See few owe fees (or demand IOU)
Dr of Law
Stop dynamo (OTC)
Tel: Law re Kate Race
Caps on for prep
Pots -- no tops
Knit up ties ('U')
Ned (re paper)
Eve's simple hot dish (crib)
Pupil's buns
T-set: no sign in a/c
Red roses
Run Tide Bus?
Rev off at six
Noel Bat is a fossil
Lab to offer one 'Noh' play-- or 'Pals Reviled'?
Sums are not set

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/265750.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-01-30 04:21:32 (Updated 2013-01-30 04:24:36) from Monument

Work in progress: third draft: beta readers

The current work in progress (a middle-grade novel, roughly 40,000 words) nears completion of its third draft. Some of you have agreed to read over the draft and make comments. I have a list of people I can remember discussing this with, but I'm not sure it's complete. Therefore, please comment and let me know if you would be interested in reading, and what your preferred format would be (PDF, HTML, various e-reader formats).

I am asking for a turnaround of three weeks after I send it to you. If you're not done reading in three weeks, tell me what you think of what you have read.

Thank you all!

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/265582.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-01-27 20:58:50 from Monument

The Centipede

THE CENTIPEDE
by A. P. Herbert
(Published in Punch, September 1920)

The centipede is not quite nice;
He lives in idleness and vice;
He has a hundred legs;
He also has a hundred wives,
And each of these, if she survives,
Has just a hundred eggs;
And that's the reason if you pick
Up any boulder, stone or brick
You nearly always find
A swarm of centipedes concealed;
They scatter far across the field,
But _one_ remains behind.
And you may reckon then, my son,
That not alone that luckless one
Lies pitiful and torn,
But millions more of either sex--
100 multiplied by x--
Will never now be born.
I daresay it will make you sick,
But so does all Arithmetic.

The gardener says, I ought to add,
The centipede is not so bad;
He rather LIKES the brutes.
The millipede is what he loathes;
He uses fierce bucolic oaths
Because it eats his roots;
And every gardener is agreed
That, if you see a centipede
Conversing with a milli--,
On one of them you drop a stone,
The other one you leave alone--
I think that's rather silly.
They may be right, but what I say
Is, "Can one stand about all day
And COUNT the creature's legs?"
It has too many, anyway,
And any moment it may lay
Another hundred eggs;
So if I see a thing like this (1)
I murmur, "Without prejudice,"
And knock it on the head;
And if I see a thing like that (2)
I take a brick and squash it flat;
In either case it's dead.

(1) and (2). There ought to be two pictures here, one with a hundred legs and the other with about a thousand. I have tried several artists, but most of them couldn't even get a hundred on to the page, and those who did always had more legs on one side than the other, which is quite wrong. So I have had to dispense with the pictures.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/265320.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Syndicated 2013-01-25 19:34:09 from Monument

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