4 Aug 2001 macricht   » (Journeyer)


I am now getting sick of traveling. I got back from OLS last week. Now I jump on a plane on the 11th for 2 weeks in Chicago. Reason? I'm going to an all-expenses paid trip to go learn advanced scattering techniques at Argonne National Labs. What kick ass is the fact that I'm a student, some gov't agency is picking up my tab.

Cool isn't it? However, I'd like to stay in one place for a little while, so I can get some real work done...but...

Wherever you go, there you are

Recent events (namely, seeing my jerk roomie somehow pick up yet another GF) has caused me to think about what I'm doing to make me so damed lonely. I can count when i had my last real date using a calender, and total dates from college to now on one hand.

It bothered me as to what I was doing wrong. Then it came to me. I've stopped moving.

See, when I was in my undergrad engineering program, I decided to co-op (BTW, people entering college who are faced with this option...DO IT. It'll teach you a lot more than a classroom ever will) so I can pay my bills. I snagged a job with then Union Carbide (now Dow) in West Virginia. So, every other semester + summers, I was either in West Lafayette, Indianpolis, or some site in West Virginia. My work sessions were on the order of 4 months, so I was constantly living out of boxes and moving about

It was only when I entered grad school that things started settling...and I noticed what was missing. I've now been in the same area for almost 3 years now, and I miss my constant upheaval. I've grown so used to change that I cannot deal with, well, being settled. And I so want t o be settled in, focused on my research. But like a vampire without his native soil, I feel uneasy and foreign.

Did I sell part of my youth short? Did I curse myself to the empty life I live now? Have all the little pains in my life been self inflicted instead of some random chance? Did I forget to stop and learn things along the way? Am i too late?

Things to think about, I say...

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