14 Sep 2001 ignatz   » (Journeyer)

We live in a nation of illusions. A sausage of a country; we love it, but we don't want to know how it is made.

My wife is very down because she says that she always felt secure until now. Her family always made sure that she knew that they would protect her. And now all that is gone. "It was an illusion," I told her.

"I like my illusions," she replied. Now a few of them are gone. How many more will remain is another matter.

Will we hide ourselves in our electronic boxes and wrap ourselves in the comfort of the flag and let the powers that be do what they feel has to be done to protect the recipe of our "way of life"? No nation is more lied to and no nation loves the lie more.

What disgusts me the most is that legislators will ride the waves of bodies to promote their pet projects: CIA, NSA, military, missle defense, electronic espionage, etc etc etc. What is privacy when we are at war? We must FIGHT to protect our freedoms YADAYADAYADA even if that means eliminating them. None of there actions will have any effect on the type of groups that will want to duplicate the events in NYC and at the Pentagon.

If they really cared about all this they would investigate the agencies that that trained Bin Laden. Has it been worth it? Can you really say that now? What other Bin Laden wannabees are currently on the CIA dole?

I read the writings that others have linked to here (Noam Chomsky, Michael Moore, John Pilger) and think they're right. I think that these people are heros for speaking up about this stuff. Does it make you unamerican to ask why, why these people want to do this? If it does than the times ahead will very troubled indeed.

Talked to Manly's wife Wennie. She had several stories of friends of her's that had close calls. Her brother works at the Pentagon in the area of the crash. Was running late becuase he wife called him to tell him about the crash at the WTC, walked into the building just with the plane crashed. Very close. Niel, who along with me was a member of their wedding party, got out of the subway just in time to see building 2 collapse.

Suddenly San Francisco earthquakes seem like a walk in the park.

On the software front, I've been meditating about a new type of database datatype besides text and multimedia for the project: Event. I've been trying to define events and create structures that interlink them. The main features that are different that a simple text object is that they have a time of happening, a duration, a location and they relate to other events.

The main purpose of this datatype is for reference works, like the lives of the great composers, etc, also useful for annotating standard text files. The complexity is going to be the dimensions of the events, i.e. people and documents that relate to them. Need to flesh this out, maybe read up on advanced database design a bit to see how others are doing it. The latest search engines are doing some awesome stit in this area.

Steves all gung-ho about python and I can't blame him. I'm trying to stick to this Java cold-turkey shit right now even tho Python looks like a language that I will very much fall in love with once I get into it. As much as I love Perl, I think that my personality will mesh very well with the more facist side of the language.

The main reason I guess that I'm doing this giant session of a brain dump right now is that I'm bummin pretty hard about not getting this gig that I was real close to landing. It really sucks right now doing what I do. Next week I'll probably be delivering pizzas and calling people up asking them if they want to switch long distance providers. I must confess that many days during the dot-com insanity I missed my days as a messanger. Healthy work, fun, get to flirt a lot, wacky people. Now, I'm back to square one.

I figured that I was pretty safe being one of the few people in the company that actually built something. The goto guy. The guy that stayed up all night so that this turd could fly and they could get another fix of funding. Wrong. Suddely my resume has all the value of single-ply toilet paper. I worked for shit, I made shit, it ended up as shit. I knew it yet I liked the green. PAYBACK TIME BOY

All this shit of the last few days puts it into prespective. I ain't got shit for problems. Still, suffering is relative. I keep trying to cast myself as something of value, but I'm tired of this shit. Doing drywall or driving a truck might just be a nice contrast. Nothing stopping me from coding my own shit and then it's sans bullshit.

Started looking for a quote in the Bible to put up on the carol site. Didn't end up putting it there even though it's pretty powerful stuff. Reminded me about debates I used to get into in Pastor Anderson's bible study class back when I was a choir director. I consider myself a radical, yet one whose culture is Christian, yet I am very drawn to Zen and Buddism. We were talking about the quote of Jesus about rich people having a less of a chance of getting into heaven the a camel going through the eye of a needle. Everyone was hemming and hawing about the quote trying to explain it away.

I spoke up asking them why doesn't it mean just what it means. Why do we need to explain away what is a very clear message. They got very mad and after some shouting we gave up for the day. Later on Pastor Anderson laughing told me how much he enjoyed the diuscussion. "You know, " he wispered laughingly to me as we shook hands of fellow members of the congregation, "most of the people in that room were millionares."

Anyway, here's the quote that seemed to speak to me most, even though I doubt many people in this country could swallow it given the current climate.

"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even `sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even `sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even `sinners' lend to `sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Luke 6-27

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