19 Nov 2000
(updated 21 Nov 2000 at 11:05 UTC) »
I have a problem.
I have not been able to pass an exam since spring. And
My mother tells me it's probaly a motive
conflict based on the fact that I major in mathematics but
primarily study and work on computer science. Once I change
my major subject, the problem would vanish.
I trust her on these things.
I still cowardly don't do anything about it. Maybe it's
because I long thought that mathematics would be my life's
work. I worked hard the last four-five years in school to
get an excellent score on mathematics in the matriculation
exam and to thus get easily to study maths. Well, it worked
beatutifully my first year in university: I studied maths
only, and got a perfect score in most courses I attended,
and near perfect in the rest.
Then I got a summer job at the University Computing
with the aim of writing and publishing a guide on LaTeX. At
that time there were no up-to-date Finnish guides on LaTeX.
I wrote the book, which had a length of 180 pages in the
final version, and turned it in one month late. When I
finished it, all the fall courses had already started and I
missed most of them. The book was published in October
1998, and remains today as one of the best guides of LaTeX
in Finnish (I'm told so, so it might be true:-)
I spent the better part of the fall of 1998 doing
to my studies. I would wake up at 1 or 2 pm and play
computer card games and listen to radio for a couple of
hours. Then I'd go to "Camelot", the University Computing
Centre Linux lab and spend the evening reading email
(especially Debian email: I put forth my developer
application in September, 1998). I would then go to bed at
4 or 5 am.
It all started there.
Now I am unable to pass a course. And unable to resolve
Hopefully I'll have enough courage to turn in the papers nxt