Older blog entries for Ryan (starting at number 64)

And I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow!

And NOW! I'd like to present one of my favourite songs of all time! Sir Mix A Lot's Baby Got Back. It's a celebration of ass. Beautiful, mellifluous booty. Lick your lips and smack it good!

Oh my god Becky look at her butt
It is so big
She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends
Who understands those rap guys
They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute ok?
I mean her butt
It's just so big
I can't believe it's so round
It's just out there
I mean it's gross
Look she's just so black

[Sir Mix a Lot]
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got
Me so horny
Ooh, rub all of that smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz
Well use me, use me cuz you ain't that average groupy

I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette

I'm tired of magazines
saying flat butt's the only thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back, so...

Fellas (yeah), fellas (yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Baby got back

(LA face with Oakland booty)

I like'em round and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin like an animal
Now here's my scandal

I wanna get you home
And ugh, double ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
Cuz silicone parts were made for toys
I wannem real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mixalot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cus or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna fuck
Til the break of dawn
Baby, I got it goin on
A lot of pimps won't like this song
Cuz them punks like to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
If you wanna role in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back

(LA face with the Oakland booty)

Yeah baby
When it comes to females
Cosmo and got nothin to do with my selection
Only if she's 5'3"

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda
Playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hon
You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
and tell you that the butt need to go
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You ain't it Miss Thang
Give me a sista I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
Cuz his girls were on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And pulled up quick to get with 'em
So ladies if the butt is round
And you wanna triple X throw down
Dial 1-900-mixalot and kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back

True artistry. Round of applause, please.

But seriously folks, I've a lot of people mailing me privately asking me to "stop posting such complete nonsense" in the words of one particularly anal retentive fool. I've been debating whether or not to do it for a while since I really haven't been using this except as a silliness outlet lately. To whit, I think I'm just going to update the stupid pages instead. The only reason I haven't switched over is that I refuse to write a web updater thingy and I rather enjoy advogato's. So I except for the occasional prank, I'm going to return whence I came.


--Ryan "I LIKE BIG BUTTS" Tilder

Some sen-ryu for you:


camel toe from hell
skankin' it on the dance floor
wantin' some lovin'

four twenty today
marijuana in your veins
have you seen my pants?

all I want to eat
everlasting gobstoppers
they can talk to me

whoa! phil's el paca darlings
emit gamma rays

beat down by the man
my second cousin Freda
has no left nipple

defending virtue
like I'm Thomas Aquinas
bring on the hookers

creation sans goats
what a bleak, drab, little world
look! I am crying

my sen ryu lack
in sense, style, and worthiness
but you can't stop love


That's enough for today I think. That'll be $19.95, plus tax.






Few things in this world are worth considering as possible alternatives for ambrosia, but I'm going to give a quick list of possibilities.

  • That last little bit of cereal at the bottom of a Cheerios(R) box that has all the dusty crumbles in it mixed with lots of sugar
  • Really good french fries
  • Kahlua and milk
  • Chocolate ice cream
  • A significant other's lips and tongue
  • Sweet potatos
  • Purple fuzz zombie weed
  • Candied apples
  • Pepsi(Coke is not an acceptable suggestion)
  • Really spicy blackened chicken
  • Tofu(beg for its forgiveness first, damn you!)
  • Burritos
  • Habeñeros
  • Shrooms
  • Stuffed jalepeños
  • Thai Basil's chicken fried rice(all hail Doug and Jean for introducing me to Thai Basil)
  • Flour tortillas, pan fried in butter, and covered with fresh minced garlic
  • My mom's birthday cakes
  • The Globe in Montreal
  • MY ASS!
and, to hear tell of it
  • shaver's guacamole
but I'm pretty sure he's tootin' his wee horn. It's probably Janice's recipe, anyway.

Other news: New PA jewelry. A nice 6 gauge titanium captive bead ring with a blue tint. Spork-a-rific. Pretty ouch-y going in, though, due to jewelry form factor. I think I'll stop at this gauge for some time. One of ferrets seems to have eaten a rubberband or part thereof. I'm mildly concerned, but not terribly. It's being passed so there's little chance of serious illness or death. Hooray for synchronicity. Got the first three rolls of film back that I took with the new camera. Lessons learned after several years of not taking photos and then starting up again: 1) I keep missetting the aperature, 2) My right eye is significantly more astigmatic since I stopped actively photographing, and 3) a flash sure would be nice. Wing chun class continues to be fun and an ass beating. I like it. Saturday there was some odd Carribean parade past my home. Neat little floats and I think I got some very good photos. Went for a 40k ride on Sunday with Martin and Slick. It was a lot of fun, but the longish uphill climbs(well, longish for me) into the wind sucked mightily.

Signed up to help out at a local homeless shelter, but they don't want me until later in the year when fewer homeless folk are willing to sleep on the streets due to the extreme cold that Ottawa gets. That will be an interesting trial. I was idly wondering what the average "open source community member" does in terms of local community work. My gut feeling is that it's effectively 0. I know a lot of the geeks I've met feel that they're already doing an immense service to the world by contributing code or support to projects that are important in the perspective of the world, i.e. DVD/CCA, FreesWAN, GNOME/KDE, kernel work, etc. Some of these do actually have an effect on a community outside our own(see Arturo's Red Escolar story), but in the main we don't seem to be a very philanthropic bunch. Or perhaps all our philanthropic tendencies are (mis?)directed at things that we understand most readily: computers and a better way to let the "underdog" compete. I don't know. Might be a neat project to start. Trying to get the plethora of shy, ego-centric geeks out of the house and working on local charity work. Sounds infeasible. Might have a remarkable impact if it happened, though.

I've talked enough. We need more monkeys!


I started this diary entry trying to relate how responding to flame bait is not unlike scratching a genital itch in public. I took the metaphor much too far and it lost its coherency entirely, making for a completely unintelligible entry. Now I'll simply take pleasure in the fact that from now on when you think of responding to a flame, you'll think of me scratching my balls and adjusting my PA in the middle of a meeting or possibly your living room.

And it's spelled "Kaspar" because I say it is, Martin.

Last night was the first kung fu(Note: For some reason this isn't resolving) class I'd been to in quite a while. I've got a new phrase for my current state of existence: a cornucopia of discomforts. Yayness for me! On an amusing side note, I was knocked unconcious for a brief while after the first hour or so of class by another student who's about 5'2"(I'm 6'2" or so) because I didn't manage to block a punch properly and she didn't pull it. Humour abounded, but I'm 100% All-American Injury Boy and so was largely unhurt, except for a sore jaw. The instructor did note that the other student(I'm afraid can't remember her name) laid out with a wonderful chain punch combo to lay me low. Then I went home, showered, shared the amusing fruits of my labour with two friends, and wandered off for beer and food with Mr. Martin Kaspar Petersen. Hoorayness!

Last night on my walk home, I was accosted by a Scientologist. In the process of arguing with him(I am amused by the beliefs of Scientology and despise the Church of Scientology), I managed to make him angry enough to take a swing at me on a rather crowded street. I didn't even insult him. All I said was that I honestly believed that the leadership of the Church of Scientology was significantly more corrupt and ambitious than other organized religions. I might have mentioned that Heber Jenizsh's hair looks like it's a really bad toupee.

Want to read some really fun opinion pieces online? Check out Operation Clambake as well as DMoz's opposing views pages.

Gods, I love the world. I really do.

Mr. Martin Kaspar Petersen and myself were lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy people this weekend. On Saturday we went for a wandering. I took him into the Glebe to show him some of the shops up there. Went for lunch at the Loon, had the chili and beer. Goodness. Bought a camera on the way up there. Very nice, old Minolta XG-M semi-automatic. Now I can take fun stupid pictures of the silly shenanigans that I get up to as well as the silly shit I see all of the world.

Sunday, we went for an inadvertent 5 hour bike ride up the Ottawa River Parkway and stopped off at Ikea so he could order his fooynichuh. It's a nice ride and an evil store. Some neat shit around Ottawa, surprisingly enough. I think I'll hit Zac[hkque] up for a long weekend in September and ride around Montreal for 3 or 4 days. Might be fun.

Lots of drinking all around. Some supremely good food on Sunday. Just yummy cum laude. It's nice to have some glorious and joyful days after 6-8 months of ick. Who's a happy camper? Yo soy!

Get off the computer! It's a beautiful day! Why are you sitting there! Get out! Go drink! Go frolic buck nekkid in the meadow! Go flirt with some hot men/women/girls/boys!

Ok. That last is asking a bit too much for a lot of you.

Leave the domicile without any techno tidbits and see how your day goes, children.

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