Older blog entries for Ryan (starting at number 54)

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so good

My diaphram is cramping.

Found a good climbing gym/skate park here. Suck my nuts, you super-Christian dog soldiers! On the other hand, lentils.

Ok.

Take a deep breath.

Hold on to it.

Ok. Now let it out.

Do it again.

Ok. Now another.

I can see that you've got a nice, healthy diaphram.

Make sure your heart is beating.

Still with me? Good.

Lick your lips.

Tongue check out alright?

Now swallow some saliva.

Can I get an "Amen!" for your salivary glands?

Bueno. You're a rock star.

Check your spleen! Bile pressure ok?

Right on, brother-man!

Here comes the tough part. Are you ready?

Work that sphincter! Yeah, that's it! The one at the top of your stomach. Oooooh, baby! Work it!

Good boy. Nice doggy. Sit. Stay.

Watch out! Your gall bladder's overheating!

WHOA! SLOW DOWN!

Dear gods! What's happening with your large intestine!? For the love of Mike, STOP IT!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

What the hell is wrong with you!? What are you? Some kind of leprous, micro-cephalic wolverine with a desperate need for a barium high colonic!?

No one understands my art.

Remember, kids! People don't kill people, Intercontinental Ballistic Kernel Patches do.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah zealots, not advocates blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Qt is evil blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah nuke Redmond blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah we're on a mission from god, still blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 2.4 real soon now blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah fucking dust bunny blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah peer review blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah we have 6 pre-beta journaling filesystems blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah KDE is evil blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah cathedral and the bazaar blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah debian: more developers means easier to use software blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah holy wars blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GNOME sucks blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah open source software blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GTK+ is lame blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah UNIX sucks blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah world domination, fast blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah magic pixie dust blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah slashdot, pretentious idiots leading sheep blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah component model blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah red hat is a monopoly blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah evil propietary code blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah advogato diaries blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

LESS TALK, MORE CHALK!

Thank you for listening to Bullshit 101 FM! Where we broadcast nothin' but noise 24 hours a day.

I sprained my ankle yesterday. Yayness for me. It was quite an overly dramatic fall. Martin and Jes just stood about with a completely confused look on their respective faces.

However, I did manage to find a positive side to the last six months of insipid life experience! That's right, digging deeply enough I find that I probably wouldn't have realized I was trying to convince myself that being a businessman in the "burgeoning open source market space" was a good thing for me. It wasn't as I am far to self-indulgent to let other people put responsibility on me that I don't want. Who's your punk ass daddy? As with all self-actualizations, it should, hopefully, be a step forward. What next though?

I seem to be past Denial and Anger! Hooray for Acceptance! Ok. Let's be realistic. It's me. I've never known a moment that I won't attack people just for shits and giggles, but that's another issue.

Boy, what a mistake-ah to make-ah.

I came to the realization last night that I'm actually am a happier person when I involve myself is physically, emotionally, and(depending on general life situations) career-related risky activity. Please, don't get me wrong. I don't mean that I think shady business practices are good, but after a couple of years of trying to do things in a more reasonable fashion(like my parents have advised, as well as a few idiots who were more interested in their own security and piece of mind rather than my wellbeing), I've realized that it's made me nothing but an extremely stressed, repressed, angry, negative, co-dependent, hateful, suspicious, unlikable, unfriendly, bitter, vindictive, unpleasant, bad karma reaping, shit-flinging monkey[1]. This is obviousy Not Good.

What's the worst part about all of this? Well, it means that most of the mountain of ridiculous stress that's been sitting on my head like a hippopotamus with a bad case of the galloping shits[2] is the cause of trying to be Joe Q. Normal with respect to work. As usual, this epiphany came too late. Letting the job stress build up over 6+ months has caused me to alienate friends, behave like a co-dependent, pox-ridden, emotional leper toward my now ex-girlfriend, suffer my first paranoic episode since I was 14, be a less then perfect pop to my wonderful little kids, and in general be a complete ass! Go me!

On the positive side...

Ok. I can't see any obvious positive side. Oh, dear. So now I have two choices, ladies and gentleyaks! Behind curtain number one, we have The Next Job. It's currently looking very lucrative(as long as I forego stock options), possibly interesting, but a largely non-stressful position involving wacky hacking. Curtain number two is the truly fun path! Stay where I am, keep doing the job I'm doing and see how it pans out! Gasp! Horror! Whatever shall occur! Now, history would teach me that running away from a nasty job situation doesn't really improve things in the long run and generally just delays the inevitable. Also, after the last half year of stupid stress and even more moronic behaviour on my part, is it time to cut and run or should I stick around and not go through it again? Hmmmmmmmmm.

All I want is a Wheel Of Fish to decide my future.

Also, piercing updates:

Upgauged my PA to a 6 gauge bluish titanium circular barbell with some amusing pointy bells. On Thursday of last week, I got a bug up my ass and got a nice fishtail labret. I'm dead sexy and Joanne is the best.

Footnotes:

1. Out of curiousity, I did a search for "shit flinging monkey" on google and came across this link. pantstalk.com? What the hell?
2. How does feces gallop anyway? Ambulatory poop, one of the signs of the Apocalypse? Discuss.

Three words, OLS attending muthafuckas!

Milk

Bag

Catapult

Hail Brak!

All around goodness.

2000-06-12 15:15 -0400

Lassoed Phil and Matthew into getting gelato. Smart move, me. Super yummy, ice creamy goodness.

With our trasty frozen treats, we went for a promenade. Strutting our collective stuff, we meandered as only the terminally directionless can. We located a spiffy little park just behind Chateau Laurier and over looking the Rideau Canal exit into the Ottawa River. We discovered that if we could only move the statue of Colonel John By, we could use the Milk Bag Catapult to pummel the Canadian Parliament building into lactose-intolerant submission! We also came to startling conclusion that the US Embassy building is even uglier on the west/south side than on the Sussex Drive side, which I would have declared impossible without a redefinition of the word "horrendous." Phil did note that the building would look quite good in the right setting. Something like post-war Europe or the Berlin Wall in the 60's comes to mind.

A few moments later, after observing the amusingly embellished "Danger! If you climb over that railing whose obvious purpose is to keep you from the edge, this sheer cliff could cause you to drop 70 feet to the hilarious end of your pitiful life!" signs, we located the History of Canadian Provinces(Severely Abridged) engraved into some granite and embedded in the sidewalk and learned, judging from the number of vowels strung together, that some Welsh tribes had migrated to Canada even before the Vikings. I'm sure Telsa and Alan would be proud.

On the way back, I wailed about the lack of lips and anus(a.k.a. hot dog) vendors in the Market. Much to my relief I spotted one, hidden like a gopher amoungst potted plant vendors. I got my anus fix right that minute.

Hooray for lips and anuses.

I <HEART> The World:

Newsgroups: triangle.general,triangle.wanted Subject: Recomendations for a good drug dealer Date: Wed, 07 Jun 2000 21:17:52 GMT Organization: Deja.com - Before you buy.

Hi,

I am new to the Raleigh/Cary area and would welcome any recommendations for a drug dealer. I am looking for some smoke.

My email address is <omitted>.

Thanks

Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

It's ALL YOUR FAULT!

Puncture Day went maaaaaarvelously. Joanne, my piercer, was wonderful. While I concentrated on breathing, she poked me. Remarkably little pain and blood.

If you're interested in seeing a sloppy phot essay of the procedure it's on the stupid pages. They aren't hard to find, so I'll leave it to you.

Update: Zac[hkque], the bastard, has updated his DNS to point www to a different machine. Use mrnutty instead. I hate it when people are efficient, on the ball, and productive when I don't want them to be.

Update Again! Zac[hkque] has used his brain! Love him! Worship him! Make him eat a Fun Dip! Hooray for rsync!

Thrice! Some of you people are beyond stupid. After 15 mails asking me where the stupid pages are I'll indicate that maybe, just maybe, they're somewhere on my homepage. How did you people figure out how to use a keyboard? A little bit of eye movement would have let you locate a URI very quickly. Why can't you people just be neutered?

This might very well be my last diary entry for a while because I'm going to follow the crowd and get bored with it. Hooray for the open source community! Average attention span is shorter than a gnat's.