10 Apr 2001 AilleCat   » (Journeyer)

*sigh*:

So anyway, I'm here, I was interviewed for an Interactive Week article this week on people involved in the Open Source community, evidently Hemos gave them my name, yippee. More to come on that when I know more.

I'm getting this feeling I don't fit it anywhere lately, I mean how many Butch Male to Female Bear Leatherdykes do you know? Its slightly frustrating and lonely. Not to mention that my inability to generally get along with people has obviously caused me difficulties at work. I'm kinda tired though, I gave my all, and nobody had any complaints for almost a year. Then I get burned out, and somewhat lose interest in my job, then I'm just in no mood to deal with people. I usually leave jobs after a year because of that, however I'm trying to stick around until I go back to school in January.

I'm going to visit Robin and Angela on the 20th though, and thats good news, they always make me feel better and loved.

So yeah, I'm burned out, what else is new, oh yeah, I'm sick, sometime around after I got back from TSC, my arthritis got much worse, now I wake up with a fever every morning, sometimes it fades, sometimes it keeps going. I'm tired of it, honestly, I've really made an attempt to not let it get in the way of the rest of my life, but feeling ill all the time makes someone VERY cranky. Especially when its combined with the inability to move around.

I try to keep things positive, and not whine about anything, I hate whining, and I'm personally not feeling like whining myself.

Work lameness:

So evidently, I don't pay enough attention to what people on my team are doing/have done lately, because sometime last week animfactory.net DNS went wonky, and I didn't notice, however we got an email from the person who is now managing us, who is a friend of mine, that upper management was unhappy due to money stuff associated with the failure.

However throughout the time I kept things running pretty much singlehandedly from Feb-July, then Yazz came aboard, and it was mostly the two of us, with some help from Liz, and they were almost ALWAYS up, no praise.

I really have issues when people only notice when something fucks up, its really positive fucking reinforcement. So I mention this to my manager, 2 hours later we have an email saying that executive staff commends us on the fact that we finished a bunch of projects in somewhat record time.

How much do you want to bet that was after the fact, and after the fact that I was discontent with the situation was communicated to my manager, and possibly he agreed and said something. So it didn't mean anything to me, honestly. Am I just a malcontent and can't be happy with anything recently at work?

I also have to say that the advice from management for me to take a step back and let people make mistakes isn't working for me, I mean I like to run a tight ship, where nothing goes wrong, I get frustrated that I'm not the one handling everything right now, but I get equally frustrated when I am. This isn't a reflection on the other people on the team, I'm easily the most experienced, and as a result, I do things much faster, and have a better feel for things, however when exec staff gets pissed about stuff that breaks, I feel responsible, *blah* I can't wait for Recovery.

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