So anyway, I'm here, I was interviewed for an Interactive
Week article this week on people involved in the Open Source
community, evidently Hemos gave them my name, yippee. More
to come on that when I know more.
I'm getting this feeling I don't fit it anywhere lately,
I mean how many Butch Male to Female Bear Leatherdykes do
you know? Its slightly frustrating and lonely. Not to
mention that my inability to generally get along with people
has obviously caused me difficulties at work. I'm kinda
tired though, I gave my all, and nobody had any complaints
for almost a year. Then I get burned out, and somewhat lose
interest in my job, then I'm just in no mood to deal with
people. I usually leave jobs after a year because of that,
however I'm trying to stick around until I go back to school
I'm going to visit Robin and Angela on the 20th though,
and thats good news, they always make me feel better and
So yeah, I'm burned out, what else is new, oh yeah, I'm
sick, sometime around after I got back from TSC, my
arthritis got much worse, now I wake up with a fever every
morning, sometimes it fades, sometimes it keeps going. I'm
tired of it, honestly, I've really made an attempt to not
let it get in the way of the rest of my life, but feeling
ill all the time makes someone VERY cranky. Especially when
its combined with the inability to move around.
I try to keep things positive, and not whine about
anything, I hate whining, and I'm personally not feeling
like whining myself.
So evidently, I don't pay enough attention to what people
on my team are doing/have done lately, because sometime last
week animfactory.net DNS went wonky, and I didn't notice,
however we got an email from the person who is now managing
us, who is a friend of mine, that upper management was
unhappy due to money stuff associated with the failure.
However throughout the time I
kept things running pretty much singlehandedly from
Feb-July, then Yazz came aboard, and it was mostly the two
of us, with some help from Liz, and they were almost ALWAYS
up, no praise.
I really have issues when people only notice
when something fucks up, its really positive fucking
reinforcement. So I mention this to my manager, 2 hours
later we have an email saying that executive staff commends
us on the fact that we finished a bunch of projects in
somewhat record time.
How much do you want to bet
that was after the fact, and after the fact that I was
discontent with the situation was communicated to my
manager, and possibly he agreed and said something. So it
didn't mean anything to me, honestly. Am I just a malcontent
and can't be happy with anything recently at work?
I also have to say that the advice from management for me
to take a step back and let people make mistakes isn't
working for me, I mean I like to run a tight ship, where
nothing goes wrong, I get frustrated that I'm not the one
handling everything right now, but I get equally frustrated
when I am. This isn't a reflection on the other people on
the team, I'm easily the most experienced, and as a result,
I do things much faster, and have a better feel for things,
however when exec staff gets pissed about stuff that breaks,
I feel responsible, *blah* I can't wait for Recovery.